The Christmas holiday season is often filled with expectations and a desire for connection and love. We associate gifts with love and feeling valued, but we also know that valuing our worth through gifts is fleeting. The need for connection is part of being human- it is wired into us. We depend on connection and community to survive. Unfortunately, while many may reach out to be with family and friends during the holidays this time is often quite complex and fraught with disappointment and feelings of loneliness.
While loneliness may show up at any time of the year, the Christmas holiday season can be an especially lonely time. Many of us know that while family matters- spending time together can be stressful and painful at times. We may be alone which is not the same as loneliness. We may be lonely in a room full of people. In todays divisive political climate, being together can be difficult when we encounter viewpoints and behaviors that are disorienting or evoke moral trauma. Being together does not mean connection or authenticity, but it does offer the opportunity for connection and that matters. Connection and authenticity bring meaning and wholesomeness to our lives. Here are some questions to consider during this time of year-for this who celebrate the Christmas holiday:
- Do I allow myself to really see others?
- Do I feel seen?
- How do I want to show up?
- Do I allow my vulnerability and authentic self to be seen?
- What do I need to be myself and to feel safe?
- What boundaries do I need to identify and practice in order to foster the most likely opportunities for real connection?
The holiday season brings with it pressure to spend money and buy things. It brings pressure to experience a “hallmark- like” family time with all the trimmings. Being aware of what’s going on around us- the expectations and ideas of the “perfect” Christmas can open us up and free us to making choices that honor ourselves and what we need and free us to appreciate the foundation for celebration of Christmas. Whether you are Christian or practice another faith or not, at the root of Christmas is love.
Mindfulness can be a valuable tool during the holidays. Bringing awareness to what our expectations and attachments are around what things “should be” is an important and ongoing practice. Awareness can allow us to respond vs react to what’s going on in ourselves, in our relationships and in the world. We can find opportunities for growth through connection and gratitude. Rather than bringing unrealistic expectations and reactivity, we can meet family and friends where they are- and be who we are. This awareness also opens doors to allow for anger, grief and loss- hurts and trauma from our past- to be seen. We can be aware and choose how we want to respond in ways that are self-compassionate, compassionate to others and real. This opens doors to the richness of honest and authentic relationships and to the love that can heal our hearts and heal the world.
